Sailing

Ben Rector penned this beautiful song. It's called Sailboat and it's on his latest album. My husband had downloaded the cd onto my iPod and sent it with me as I flew to the literal other side of the world on a mission trip of sorts. The first time I heard it, I was actually on the plane amidst a long flight from Dubai to the Philippines, and I was stretched out across three seats exhausted, to say the least. So obviously, when I heard it, I cried my eyes out. And I guess you could say that I couldn't handle the way it touched my soul because I turned the album off and couldn't make myself pick it up again for a number of days. The lyrics are as follows:

I feel just like a sailboat
I don't know where I'm headed
But you can't make the wind blow
From a sailboat

I have seen the sun
Felt the rain on my skin
I've been lost and found
But mostly I've been waiting

Oh I'm out in the waves
I'm hoping and praying
Please let this wind blow me home
Night after night there's and empty horizon
And my God do I feel so alone
Sometimes I, most times I, feel just like a sailboat

I'm pretty sure I'm heard
At least I know I'm speaking
But I feel like a fool
Cause I can't hear you listening

But I'm not giving up
Oh I will move on forward
I'm gonna raise my sail
God knows what I'm headed towards

Oh I'm out in the waves
I'm hoping and praying
Please let this wind blow me home
Night after night there's and empty horizon
And my God do I feel so alone
Sometimes I, most times I, feel just like a sailboat

The only change I can see
Lost or found, at sea
The only difference is believing I'll make it in

Oh I'm out in the waves
I'm hoping and praying
Please let this wind blow me home
Night after night there's and empty horizon
And my God do I feel so alone
Sometimes I, most times I, feel just like a sailboat

Let's be honest, the seven of you who are reading this know my life and my story. And you all know that last year wasn't an easy one. You probably all have a guess at the parts of the song that most led me to tears, but I'm gonna tell you anyway. 

The chorus with the empty horizon and the loneliness, that got me for sure. It's how I knew the writer understood me. But more than that, the phrases of hope are what truly did me in. First for me, it was "The only change I can see… the only difference is believing I'll make it in." That spoke to me of pure faith and conviction in the darkest of nights. 

And then there's the line that has become my Josh and I's mantra ever since. "I'm gonna raise my sail." If you're out in the dark scary waters in your life and you feel like giving up some days, you know the way that hit me. It's the way it's hitting you now. Yeah, maybe it's not what the world looks at as the greatest act of faith. But those of us who have been there, we know. We know that it took every bit of strength and every ounce of courage in your being to put that sail back up today. We know you wanted to leave it down and let the waves take you under for good. But we see you. Amidst the thunderstorm baring down on you and the lightning that seems too close and the winds that keep knocking you over, we see you. Dripping wet with tears and sweat and the downpour, we see you. And as you stand up after being knocked down for the 85th time and as you raise that sail high, we see you. And just so you know, it's the bravest and most faithful thing that I think you and I have ever done. Raise our sail. When only God knows what we're headed toward.