Sunday, December 9, 2012

Ski Lodge Livin'

Gift wrapping, 5k running, anxiety fighting, sweater wearing, couch crying, Christmas cooking, book reading, window staring.... This is my life. Well, this weekend at least. And now it’s Sunday morning and I’m sitting at my window seemingly watching the world change outside. It feels like two days ago that this window view was all green and then all fall colors and now, it’s bare. And I’m struck by the fact that just that fast, the seasons change, the world changes, and maybe MAYBE... so do we? 

I mean, even as you just read through the list of things that I claim makes up my life, can you see it? Part of the list seems like I’m having the best life ever. But I’d be remiss to leave off the part where I am fighting anxiety and crying on my couch. Oh, I know. I could leave it off. A lot of people do. But you see, I don’t want people to look at my life and think that I have it all together every day. I want you to know that some days absolutely suck the life out of me and some are so full of joy that I think I could burst. And if I’m honest, a lot of them are in the middle, just mundane and ordinary.

But as I look out my window, I think about how fast the seasons have changed. Wasn’t it only last week that I sat in front of my very first Christmas tree with my sweet husband? And for that matter, wasn’t it last month that I watched all of LOST over Christmas break with my brother just so I would have something to talk about with that sweet (not-even-close-to-being-my) husband man? And even more than that, wasn’t it just last year that my brothers and I decorated our Charlie Brown looking tree in our pajamas while we lived in a trailer on Tater Peeler Road?

Is time flying? I don’t know about you, but from this vantage point, from this window, it goes faster every year. And if I’m not careful, I think the whole thing could zoom right by without me even stopping to notice. Especially in those moments of heartache and grief and anxiety fighting and couch crying. 

But what if I change my perspective? What if this whole life really has something to do with perspective? What if there really is something to all those verses in Scripture about thinking about what is excellent or pure or praiseworthy? What if setting your mind on things above changes everything? What if I could see everything, I mean EVERYTHING, as a gift from the only being who has ever and will ever love me and satisfy me completely? 

So here I sit, at my window. And instead of this being a tiny one-bedroom apartment, I imagine it’s a ski lodge resort. And the scenery is changing all the time, not because life is moving too fast and needs to slow down, but because God has other gifts that He just can’t wait to show me. And I know that when I blink, I’ll be old and gray and probably have wrinkles in places that we never need to discuss on the internet. But what I want to know is that when I am sitting by the window in front of my 50th Christmas tree with my sweet husband, I will have stopped and noticed every season, every gift as it flew right by. Right outside my perfectly imperfect ski lodge view window.